-
Day 223: 9th August 2022 | Part 2 | In so much pain, standing in front of my car ..
Wondering why I’m about to put an old duvet over my car to keep the frost off, when I have no intention of going to university campus tomorrow for my last seminar before the break. Anyway, alarm went off, have turned andam still standing here. Must actually get moving.
-
Day 223: 9th August 2022 | Yeah, I’m not going to campus tomorrow π
It’s been an emotional roller-coaster since yesterday evening.. I am so happy I have my psychology appointment this Thursday βΊοΈ I took this video how ever many minutes ago and then stood in front of my full length mirror and took heaps of naked pictures πΈ I am shocking at taking pictures of myself π
-

Uh no π₯Ίπ π
I miss you already dare friend π’ I am lonely without you in my hand π³ I’m starting to think maybe I’ve been way over thinking our relationship. You and I my dear friend. That one looks better π€£ Instead of waiting until the evening to vape you, you wonderful brain calming, smoothing natural medicine
-

Finally! π€£ I made it into the bath π It’s cold π€¦ββοΈ
-

I can control Spotify on the Nesthub in the kitchen from my phone!!
7:00 PM Seriously, standing fully clothed next to the bath that I still haven’t gotten into π€·ββοΈπ€¦ββοΈπ€£ The past two days have been crazy π I am drained, flat as fuck and sore all over π© And keep feeling like I’m losing time which is just weird and annoying π But I feel free π
-

Pacing / Dancing in my kitchen π stoned π€ͺ Waiting for the bath to fill π Listening to Toolπ
Have just realised the bath filling up covers the music if I’m in the bathroom which I am. So the perfect time to make my daily video π 6:31 PM UPDATE: 6:38 PM (Feels a lot later!π€£) | I turned the taps off, however many minutes ago and am back in the kitchen replying to
-

Still awake π
Haven’t taken a sleeping pill.. I put some food in the oven instead. It feels like a weight has come off my shoulders regarding uni. I have come a round full circle. Back to where this all started. Of the memories of what lead up to me finally realising that I had to quit ice,
-
Remembered I had these just before. Hadn’t even opened the box before tonight π₯±
That changes tonight. I need a decent deep sleep; hopefully, that doesn’t involve bad dreams, which I’ve been having a lot of. This is how many times I had to take a picture due to the rest all being blurry π I have taken these β¬οΈ as well as others, but that was so many
-
Feeling better thankfully π
And my appetite is back, so, I’m going to eat what I left in the pan. I added sauce to the last one coz it was dry and mostly cold. Thought it might make it worse to heat egg in the microwave but this time I’m going to risk it.
-
No more alarms. No more killing myself enough is enough.
And I am good enough exactly as I am. The people in my real life don’t even really know me. I feel like I am wound so tight, I’m going to explod. Simultaneously feeling proud and like I’m going to break into a millions pieces on my kitchen floor, while making some egg and toast