I even have a couple.. but I know I’ll regret it…

Right now though I just hit with this most profound pain in my chest. Like pure sadness pouring out of me..

Every single time I think I am doing better it’s like.. nope, lets trigger the fuck out of you and see if you can deal with it or sink into the nothingness…

Moments like this scare me.. the sheer depth of what I feel, the extreme longing to belong, knowing I never will… I’m in tears, can barely see to even type this..

I always knew I was broken, but not this broken. So broken I am losing hope on ever really healing. People have been lying, gaslighting and ghosting me for as long as I can remember.

My family must be right. Everything is my fault..

I don’t want to sink any further.. thankfully I remembered the valuim and took two..