I’m not even really sure how I feel. Definitely an empty sort of feeling. Not sad per say but not myself either.

I am trying to focus all of my energy into my school work as I have so much to do and multiple assignments that need to be completed.

But even that feels hard right now. I am partnof a group chat with over 100 other statistics students and yesterday the conversation turned to honours applications and grades needed. I was feeling ok up until then since the entry level requirements have changed for internal students. But in the chat many people were talking about still needing extremely high grades and that this year’s cut off grade for trimester 1 in 2021 was 78%.

Because of my monumental fuck up last trimester during my biological psychology exam my overall grade has dropped! 😔 For my core psychology units that I’ve currently done has my WAM (weighted average mark) is at 72.75% 😭😭

And now I just feel so blahhhh

It also appears that I am now truly just trying to figure out if I did lose my sanity some where along the way…

Just feels like I have eorked so hard to better myself yet its never actually going to be enough. The feeling of constantly failing everything is still with me. But npw with the added feeling of.. I know I’ve fucked everything up at uni, i am better than this but I couldn’t stop my emotions getting the better of me, causing me to no longer be able to study and complete assignments like I used too.

This year is/was meant to be my make it or break it years. I truly believed at the start of this year that I would absolutely sail through my last few units over the 3 trimesters and would be accepted into honours for the start of next year easily.

But instead making it, I am having the year I’ve ever had at uni this far. So now everything is just sort of sitting on my chest like concrete and I feel like it truly does not matter what happens to me anymore because I was and am just crazy and delusional after all 🥺😢😭