I wish this wasn’t true but it is.

I love her so much and I honestly don’t think she knows or accepts it

But all she continues to do is dismiss me, minimise me and compare me to all these “people I know who have multiple conditions and they just take their meds and get on with their lives…

They all live perfectly normal lives, why can’t you? Why is there always something going on with you”?

I say because there is always something going on. Literally. I am literally diagnosed with soooo many frickin shitty conditions, all of them BAD and I’m supposed to “just get on with it”.

That is what I have been doing. Living my life to the best of my ability in any given moment. It is not my fault I have been on the incorrect dosage of the new medication I am on. And I do not abuse my medical cannabis, like my mother says..

She literally says, and refuses to listen to anything I have to say but actually says to me “the medical cannabis is not for getting stoned. It is not for anything other than helping your pain, so if you are getting stoned than you are clearly not taking it correctly, which is why there is always something going on with you. Why can’t you live a normal life like everyone else “??

Fuck me. I couldn’t believe her. I’d been there 10 minutes. I think I might be re writing a story I’ve already written 🤔

I am pretty stoned right now mum 🤣

But the irony is, I probably smoke 1/4 so 0.5g to 0.7g max in an evening, and yet I’m prescribed “1 inhalation every 10 minutes up to 2 grams a day”. I personally would be stoned as fuck if I smoked this amount, yet my mum goes at me whenever she can

Even when I’m literally coming out of a very severe crisis episode. Whether she understands or not, I don’t understand how she can’t hear me when I’m basically in tears trying to stay calm while I look for a lighter for my cigarette and I’m literally asking her to please stop ..

Anyway, right now I’m just super happy my psychologist is able to see me earlier in the morning so I can stay home for that and drive to my sisters to take mum out afterwards.

Right now I need to finish the r/nosleep story I started in the spa today before rain got too much and had to put phone away. Finishing that then sleep. Oh right, I just remembered there are tarot cards on my bed. First I’ll do a quick reading for myself since I really just need to relax, unwind and let go..

And then sleep ♡