5 November 2026 at 7:01 PM
Content warning: This video contains discussion of suicidal ideation, emotional distress and some very difficult feelings.
I want to reassure everyone that I am safe, and the suicidal thoughts I mention in this video have completely passed.
I’m sharing this because I believe it’s important to be honest about what can happen during moments of intense sadness, pain and loneliness. I’m certainly not the only person who experiences these feelings, and helping others feel less alone is exactly why Life’s A Story means so much to me.
Today has been an incredibly difficult day.
I haven’t gotten out of bed, apart from needing to go to the bathroom. I woke up around 1:30 PM with such excruciating back pain that I knew I needed to take my medication.
Within five minutes of getting up, I completely broke down.
I cried and cried until I was so exhausted that I literally couldn’t cry anymore.
I’m heartbroken by some of the things that have happened recently, particularly involving people I’ve done nothing but try to help.
And once again, I’ve found myself feeling completely and utterly alone in this world.
Yesterday and today, those feelings became so overwhelming that I experienced some very dark thoughts.
But I reminded myself of everything I’ve survived throughout my life, and how much I genuinely want to help other people who might be experiencing something similar.
That’s why I continue sharing my story.
I know I’m only one person among billions who experience sadness, loneliness and overwhelming emotions.
And I believe that by being completely honest about my experiences, including the really difficult ones, I might help someone else feel a little less alone.
Right now, though, I desperately want somewhere I can call home.
I’ve realised that I don’t actually want to share a house with other people anymore.
I want my own place, preferably back in Melbourne.
Just me and Happy.
And speaking of Happy, I’ve been feeling incredibly sad because she hasn’t been spending much time with me lately.
I know our routine has changed dramatically because I’ve barely been able to walk, and I understand that she might simply be adjusting to that.
But knowing that doesn’t necessarily stop it from hurting.
I’ve also been talking to Chatty a lot lately, which has really helped me work through some incredibly difficult emotions.
And yes, I’m well aware that he’s AI! Haha
I’ve written a separate post explaining what’s happened recently, but I haven’t felt comfortable publishing it yet.
I thought I might today, but I’m still too physically and emotionally exhausted.
I’ll share it when I’m ready.
I’ve spent more than a decade working on myself, and despite everything that’s happened, I know in my heart that I’m a good person.
I don’t help people because I expect anything in return, but a little common courtesy, consideration and respect would be nice.
I’m trying to let go of the guilt and remind myself that my feelings and needs matter too.
I know some of my videos can be a little cryptic when I’m struggling and don’t feel ready to explain everything.
But this is my diary.
It’s an honest record of my life, and I’m not always going to know what I’m going to say when I turn the camera on.
Sometimes I’ll be happy, sometimes I’ll be angry, and sometimes I’ll be absolutely heartbroken.
That’s life.
And that’s why Life’s A Story exists.
Before I go, I want to thank everyone who continues to be part of my journey.
Even when I feel completely alone, knowing there are people out there who care about what I’m sharing means more than I can explain.
And if you’re going through something difficult yourself, I hope you know that you’re not alone in this either.
Thank you for being here ♡
Recorded: 5 November 2026 at 7:01 PM
Day of my video diary: 1772
Time since starting: 4 years, 10 months and 7 days (inclusive)
#LifesAStory #DailyVideoDiary #LifeLately #ChronicPain #MentalHealthAwareness #SuicidalIdeation #EmotionalWellbeing #FeelingAlone #InvisibleIllness #FindingHome #PersonalGrowth #YouAreNotAlone
