I wrote the below for today’s video description, but it was 2296 characters too long! Haha 😆

I’m barely awake right now, sitting outside in the sun at Merv’s place watching Happy roll around on the ground. She is definitely enjoying the weather ☀️

I didn’t fall asleep until after 4 AM this morning due to being wired last night. Not sure why given how late I’ve gone to bed the past few nights. I decided to only take my first ADHD medication this morning, but am not taking the rest throughout the day.

I spoke to Elean this morning which went well. Or more to the point, it went exactly as I knew it would. Literally. I explained to her that I had received the results from the MRI on my knee and had asked AI to explain them to me properly and that based on the length of time I’ve had the symptoms that I knew there was a good chance I was going to need surgery.

So, I told her that I am going to call a bunch of orthopaedic surgeons that my health insurance partners with where I am, since I’m so far away from her and ask them all about their fees and would be involved if I require surgery and then the follow-up care.

Turns out you can still find doctors who don’t charge out of pocket fees on top of your health insurance excess. I read the fine print on my hospital cover yesterday and then used the in app search provider to look for surgeon’s in my area who don’t charge gap fees, who also work with anesthesiologist’s who don’t charge gap fees.

In saying this to you, I have just realised that I can also search for pain specialists who don’t charge gap fees. They might not do the ketamine infusion but there are many ways to help pain so it’s worth finding out. Especially since I now can see why the original pain specialist was weary of giving it to me without the full psychiatric insurance cover in place.

Hallie is currently having a ketamine infusion right now and she is absolutely wasted every time I talk to her. It would be absolutely hilarious if it wasn’t for the fact that she lives with so much pain at such a young age (23. I’m pretty sure she’s 23 not 24, I’ll have to check since I’m now questioning myself lol) that she has to have regular infusions every few months.
Don’t get me wrong, if I can find a pain specialist who won’t charge me crazy out of pocket fees and is happy to do that treatment I will happily jump at the chance.

Anyway, I was originally planning on contacting the surgeon’s that show up as NIB provider who don’t charge gap fees today, until I went to sleep after 4 AM this morning, then decided I wasn’t going to force myself simply because it’s Friday today given how tired I am. But, I’m starting to wake up a little through writing this post. Not a lot and I still definitely don’t want to take any more stimulates today, but I am now wondering if I might have it in me to write an email with all the questions and information I’m after and then at least send that out to start the ball rolling.

Too be honest after everything I researched and learnt since receiving the results two days ago, I kind of figured it would be guaranteed that I would need surgery. Even if just because the MRI literally recommends keyhole surgery to confirm the tear. Which I am going to say is 100% there. Not only do I receive the results report from the place I go to get all my scans done, but I also receive all of the images too. Though I never have a clue what I’m looking at so the images and videos don’t mean much to me. Except that Al told me that a healthy meniscus shows up as all black on an MRI and a tear shows up as a grey line throughout it and there is plenty of grey in the image results.

But anyway, I definitely thought it would be a given by this stage until I talked to my sister this morning. Well messaged. I had asked her to unplug my cloud hard drive yesterday (which I still have to pick up) because I received a notification telling me that it had gotten too hot and had shut down. So I told her what was going on with my knee at the same time. I woke up to messages from her explaining that her partner went through something similar. Severe pain in the knee for over two years. An MRI confirmed there was a tear, but he wasn’t given surgery. She said it wasn’t deemed necessary enough I believe. I do know that the type of tear he had is completely different to mine, and that it depends where the tear is on the knee as to whether surgery is appropriate or not. I guess if you want to look at it like I’m lucky, then I am in the sense that type of tear I have, a peripheral longitudinal tear in the meniscus, is deemed the most suitable to fix in surgery. Provided the tissue is healthy enough to stitch.

I’m going in waves of tiredness so who knows if I’ll manage to write anything worthy enough to send to orthopaedic surgeons clinics today. I’ll try but I’m not going to push myself.

The only other thing I want to do right now but definitely need to wait until a day I’m awake enough to do it, is go buy a decent cheapest mattress so that I can put my queen bed together at Merv’s for the times when I stay here. At first I thought the bed was too big for the room but then I realised that just because I haven’t heard back from the place I’m meant to be moving to, and I have contacted them a couple of times, so, I am finding it strange at this point, but reminding myself that it was guaranteed at the time, that the van is already in storage and the fact that the owner is running a tourist caravan park, a motel and a residential area, she is an extremely busy lady who probably doesn’t have enough time to answer all of my questions, plus, not going to lie, it’s testing my anxiety levels and when I sit in silence and go within, I know everything is alright. Last night I had the thought of what it was like back before mobile phones and internet existed. I was alive before it did lol. You had to wait for people to call you when they were ready to on the landline. I was told that I would hear back when it’s available for me to move into. I just really want to know what I’m working with. And an approximate date to move in but she won’t know that until the evicted tenant leaves which is supposed to be this Sunday. As in two days from now. I’m guessing I will get an update after that sometime 🫣

I’m enjoying staying at Merv’s given I’ve spent most of the time in the room working on my own stuff. Plus it is different knowing that I am only staying here and not actually living here. I know that I will get my place when the timing is right.

I started sorting out my clothes yesterday so that I can sell everything I no longer want. Turns out I have heaps more to sell then I realised. I’m not feeling like I need or want to go back to sleep right now but at the same time, I definitely don’t have much in me to do much at all. I know if I take the ADHD medication it will fix that but then I’ll crash even worse if I don’t take the layer afternoon dose which will cause me to become wired again due to how messed up my sleeping has been recently.

So, I think I’m going to stop typing and actually post this video and then just continue to sit in the sun for a bit while I start drafting an email with the information I require in it to send off.

Sending you all peace and love wherever you are 🥰

PS: I have no actual idea what most emoijis mean, I pick randomly 😅

1:17 PM on Friday the 18th of September 2026