I’m now jumping in the shower. I’ll definitely look better after that 😆

Other than the catalyst of what has deeply damaged what I had praying was as good as I wanted to believe, but, like others, was not 😢

Who I am, all the good I’ve done, the help I’ve provided, along with proving my trust over and over again, hasn’t been enough for someone I considered to be one of my closest friends 😔

I have been lied to more times than I can count. I can’t take the projection any longer. She honestly doesn’t seem to realise that by treating me the way she does, constantly to avoid the possible fear of me rejecting her, all she is doing is hurting me more and more. And instead of ever being honest with me about anything, she lies.

I can’t take it anymore. I’ve cried so many times during this friendship. I don’t want to be made to feel so worthless and low again. Friendship shouldn’t bring you to tears and make you need valuim.

There are so many many reasons why I love my friend and I still so very desperately want her in my life. But I don’t know what to do now. Plus, I honestly just don’t think I can go back to the kind of friendship we had. I deeply struggle with friends who only want to speak to me on either the phone, video, or text. But not in their home. If someone feels so uncomfortable with me that they honestly don’t want me in their home. I do not think that makes a good friendship. In fact, it makes me feel absolutely fu*king worthless. Like I’m nothing.

So, I’m ok to be your friend in every way that benefits you, but I’m not welcome in your home? That’s insane as far as I’m concerned. But hey, if your boundaries for friendship is that the are not allow in your home, you are entitled to that. I on the other boundaries which basically happens to be the exact opposite. I’ve also spent time in therapy really learning about my boundaries in friendship. Obviously being honest and absolute trust is crucial.

Anyway, I should be out of the shower by now. Not still typing, sitting on the toilet 😂

5:58 PM