This is not good. It will further prove my sister that I don’t care about them, when it is so far from the truth.

I have just been so damn depressed and anxious basically since my sister made it clear that she had no actual desire to have a relationship with me.

It completely crushed me. I feel like an absolute idiot. So completely stupid it makes me want to cry. I truly believed it was getting better.

With hindsight I now see that was because I wouldn’t allow myself to think about all of the aspects of the relationship that completely proved otherwise. That and the fact that she told me she does not want to talk to or share things with me. She told me I am bully who bullies her and Merv and that’s why I am never going to have a relationship with her or my niece and nephew.

I guess that’s why that date slipped past me. I knew there was something really important about the beginning of June, I just couldn’t remember what. I now realise this is affecting me even more than I realised. I already plan to spend my therapy session on Tuesday talking about loss and pain. I 100% need professional help with it. I’m consumed with it on several topics. Of course this is making everything else worse.

I am going to message my sister to pass on the message because they are allowed to have Facebook messenger for kid’s and am willing to bet they have Brian’s sisters on them, but of course I am not allowed to speak directly to my niece and nephew directly. Jezze that’s messed up don’t you think?

Anyway, it is what it is. I know I have to pick up everything from her home as fast as possible since she obviously only helped out of obligation. Maybe to Merv, I don’t know. But I do know that we have to hire a trailer with a cage to be able to go pick everything up and go to the storage shed and pick up our fridge and a few other things. But I have to buy something to give the modem ports so my stupid hard drive will work too.

This is very long lol

Good night 😴

9:48 PM