I have been avoiding my camera for some time now as some of you might have noticed.

I very nearly convinced myself that I could never achieve what I have set out to and so there was no point in making videos anymore.

I am glad I fought through it. It has all finally come out in this video. I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I mean absolutely everything I say. I am an extremely literal person. You should never try to read “between the lines” or take what I say as something else.

If I have something to say about someone I will say it to their face directly. Not through cryptic videos.

I do not have hate in my heart for anyone. I do not even believe in hating someone. What an incredible waste of energy. I have better things to do.

So, for my sister to say that I am a bully who hates her when all I have said is how much I love her, it makes no sense. But this is what she has said. And so, we no longer have a relationship and it has been doing my head in ever since she said this to me. She threw me away like I mean absolutely nothing. And it hurts more than I want it to. I feel like I should be fine now that I know I mean nothing to her but I’m not fine. Not at all. But I can’t keep doing this. I know I have to let go. I’m just sad because I truly love her so much.

Oh and besides that I am also dealing with what’s going on in regards to pain specialists and in hospital pain treatments.

We just got home. It’s been a long day and I’m looking forward to lying down and watching Netflix.

5:12 PM