I am not in a place of love. I am not high vibing. I am crying to myself alone in my house after losing it at the uber grocery person and her partner. Of course even my fucking uber eats grocery person had to bring to partner!

She sent me a picture of a replacement for Boss dog roll, I clearly didn’t look at the picture properly since I was in the middle of doing something but didn’t think it would be a picture of something the third of what I ordered. It’s nothing like ordinary uber eats or shopping online. She fucking delivered me a 1kg dog roll and I swear I just wanted to start breaking things. I am lying to myself and I don’t know why. I have been asking for help for so long now and I sick of this. I couldn’t come from love I was so angry. And now I can’t stop crying.

4:12 pm

Oh and I got as far as I could will the oil. It’s not perfect. It’s in the fridge. I managed to get the frozen stuff away but everything else is still on the floor in the bags. I didn’t even get my flybys. All because I can’t seem to do anything right. I feel so stupid and bad and worthless right now. Why can’t I fix myself? Why can’t I make the pain stop? It’s obviously my fault. She clearly sent a clearly picture of a 1kg roll and I didn’t realise but I couldn’t find the chat from when she was shopping. But I’m still a horrible person it would seem and I don’t want be like this anymore.

I have no real genuine friends. No one I can call any time of the day or night who can actually just be here for me.

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It’s now 6:56 pm. I cried until I calmed down then I put my groceries away, cleaned most of the kitchen and had some chips, nuggets and a bread roll to eat. Since then I have been lying on my bed with my weighted blanket watching Friends. I am hungry again and going to make some more fries and a vegan burger patty in the air fryer. I didn’t receive my tomatoes either but I have since accepted lettuce, cheese and patty with garlic aioli will be delicious.