This is my ultimate dream goal, though it is many years in the future…
I’m now in my seventh year of attending university… for my undergraduate degree.
My ability to study and retain information is slowing down, not getting better 😅
I do have a particular master’s degree that I would love to do, but, that is something I am going to spend a long time thinking about, given, it’s approximately $30k for the 18-month full-time or part-time equivalent degree and even though I’ll be able to apply for hex once I become a citizen, that doesn’t mean I want to, especially everything going on in the news recently about the increase in interest to students debt loans.
Anyway, that’s forever away right now, so, my immediate focus is to continue to learn how to slow down, breathe more deeply and practise talking about subjects that I am passionate about while staying in a calm and neutral manner.
Apparently, I can look quite scary, sometimes, I’ve been told. This is saddening to hear because when you think about it, there is obviously so much anger in me that it’s just pulsating below the surface at times. And when I think about it, the things I am most passionate about do come with a side of anger, because the world is so dark its hard not to be angry when you feel so connected to everything…
But I know I am exactly where I need to be. Learning, sharing, watching, reading, you hearing my voice inside your head as you read this. We are all connected.
I feel good. Today is very up and down. Down in the sense, I keep getting hit with these moments of sadness, and for some reason, my childhood keeps coming up in my mind… I remember. The conversation yesterday with the man who sat down and made no effort to set up the massage bed and instead had this super intense conversation with me for well over an hour before I finally bought his attention to the time, anyway, the conversation bought up so much of my childhood, what I’ve lived through, what I remember, what I don’t and the power of hypnotism. I explained several times that I have been told by every single highly qualified psychiatrist I have asked, and I’ve asked a few, that it is too dangerous for me to be hypnotised since my brain has obviously blocked such a large part of my childhood memories for a reason. I am smart enough to listen. I truly believed that if I could access the memories I could clear them out. I have since realised, I have plenty of memories that I do remember that make me sad and angry and at 37 I am still very much in the process of figuring it all out.
For now, I still have the two final university units to complete, and, besides that, I think I want to give myself some flexible guidelines moving forward in making my daily videos. I am also, slowly but surely working on getting a routine. I am starting with one thing at a time and that is setting my alarm for 7:15 am each morning. I’ve been awake each day this week before or around that time and I’m so happy 😁