I felt so good for so long, in my sense of time, most of December 2022 and January this year, 2023. But being so completely thrown for a sixer when I truly believed I had made a new friend during my first hydrotherapy class and yet was completely disrespected and defied by that person instead, I’ve stopped trusting myself and have started second guessing everything and not intentionally on purpose, but my mental health is dropping and has been for just over a week.
All I have heard in my mind is how much of a stupid loser I am. That I can’t do anything right. Of course, I can’t, I’m as stupid as can be. This is then reaffirmed the longer it takes me to understand something, resulting in not achieving half as much as I wanted to. And then it starts again; a vicious circle that I either have to work extremely hard at ignoring, reminding myself of all the reasons this isn’t true or risk falling into the nothingness.
So far I’m managing but boy there were many times throughout today when I was extremely close to breaking down.