This is a reply to a comment on my YouTube Channel @lifesastoryblog on the video I uploaded on the 27th of December 2022

EXTRA INFO: 31st of December 2022 | This comment just became longer and longer since I share the way that I do for a reason, and when I feel compelled to write, then I do. This was this morning after Graham had left. I was concerned that I might accidentally lose it since nothing is automatically saved on YouTube; unlike here, when I start typing something and then forget about it, it automatically saves to my drafts folder. On a side note is full of many unwritten or unfinished blogs. But because of this, instead of copying and pasting to a word document that was saving as I wrote, I kept copying and pasting into Graham’s messenger chat. He has so many copies sent to him, lol though I do really have to start writing my descriptions in my blogs first and perhaps start a document solely for the purpose of writing replies, comments etc., so that I know I will have it backed up to the cloud as I write. It is now 5:33 pm.

Hey Abel, I always appreciate you sharing with me; it helps me know I’m not alone, either. I will always love Mr X; I have known this since I first found out he got married and then lied about it, yet I forgave him less than 12 hours after finally being sent the proof. I couldn’t understand what was happening since I genuinely thought I was losing my mind at the time, given he put me through the amount of trauma that he did.

But now, all these years later, with the internal shifts happening within me, I can finally see what I couldn’t all those years ago. As strange as it may sound to the next person, I am ecstatically happy that everything turned out the way it did. Aside from how I spoke to the woman he married, whom I ended up talking to on the phone several times and the messages I sent her, I wouldn’t change anything I went through.

What he did to me changed every aspect of my life in every single possible way. All for the better, too, I might add. I quit ice, using pure willpower, mind over matter, without any external help whatsoever. I trained and worked for our national suicide crisis hotline; I have appeared on National television in a show that has since won many awards both here and in the UK, as well as being interviewed live on one of the main channels’ breakfast shows. I completed a Certificate 4 in Alcohol and Other Drugs and am so close to finishing my Double Degree in Philosophy and Psychology at University, and have been hired as a professional Storyteller, one of my ultimate dreams, even though it is slightly different from how I see my own Storytelling dream, this particular job is fantastic to help me learn how to communicate better and work with people in workshops.

But more than anything else, I am happy. Like actual authentic deep down, genuinely happy, and it truly is the most beautiful feeling in the world. This is a result of going through what I did. I honestly didn’t believe it was possible for me to feel real genuine love or happiness. Yet, now, I am a version of me who I only ever dreamed I could be without ever believing it was actually possible. So, in this sense, this is why I wouldn’t change anything.

I am going to check out the song you have recommended. Oh, and like I have been saying for months now, if you do not use the actual Messenger App, then you need to go to your Facebook messages and check ‘Message Requests’, and you will see the messages I sent when I found you on Facebook in June. I have just double-checked right now, and the messages are all still sitting there unseen. I sent the first message on the 20 of June this year, 2022, and then tried to call through video calling to see if that would help you see the requests, yet the same thing happened again; both times I tried, it was unseen. You will never find me on actual social media like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc. I have no interest in them and pay for my website to keep all my stories in the same place.

Plus, it helps me be able to ensure I can tell my stories authentically because no one will ever be able to try and figure out the actual identities of the people I mention in my stories that are because of the lack of social media. And as I have recently realised, I use character names for the people I talk about because any good story has multiple characters.

For the past year, I have said I am not going to tell the actual story of what exactly happened during the time spent with Mr X because he has a family and was able to push me so far down into his denial that it very much appears that nothing much in his life has changed, given him and his wife did get back together and now ever have two kids. For all I know, he may have more now, but as I said, I don’t have social media, and I would literally have to activate my Facebook to look at Cassie’s page to figure it out, and I see no point in that. What he does is his business, and I am finally at a place where I don’t care what he does.

But this realisation regarding telling the story has come to me as I am now very aware of the fact that I am clearly trauma, and as someone diagnosed with super severe Complex PTSD, which I have recently again, learnt all this new info about, it’s hard work clearing trauma. But for me to truly be able to start healing myself, I need to work through the really messy parts, and well, I think, given what I have said throughout the last year of videos and written blogs, what he put me through is not something I can pretend never happened. It happened, and I have literally everything backed up to prove it. I started recording everything when I could no longer accept the bullshit he was saying, but I upped the ante when the full truth came out, and he could no longer lie his way out of it.

All the stories he told me, explaining how and why he ended up with the woman he married, are all recorded in voice recordings. All the phone calls are recorded. The emails are saved and backed up. All of the messages sent between us were backed up on multiple devices, most of which turned into pdf documents for easy reading.

But the most important thing I have realised since this has all started coming up again, so much more prominently in my life right now, is that I have always said throughout my year of videos and since opening my website a couple of years ago now, is that, I will never confirm or deny anyone’s actual identity which is why everyone I refer to has a false name. This, as I am sure everyone can appreciate, needs to happen since I am only one person. Like any good book or movie, there are usually main characters and secondary characters. I treat these stories as such, in the sense that for them to make sense, I need to include the other people in my life and their parts in the story that directly affect me. I have been doing this all year and yet only registered in the past week; the Mr X story is probably the most important of all the stories I need to tell. It’s just extremely important that I tell it right, so it may take a while before I can actually share it, and it will more than likely be a written blog, not a story I tell on video since I still have to learn how to tell stories that are important to me in a calm way, which is a whole other thing I need to work on lol

So, this turned out to be far longer than I expected, so not only am I going to post this reply here, but I am also going to share it as a written blog on my website 🙂

Happy New Years Eve, Everyone 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: