Only this time I sent it to one of my online my uni friend’s after she sent me a message saying she got accepted into something she is very excited about 😁 I told her I was excited and happy for her, though I had no idea what it is and said I would have to Google, but right now I’m just too far behind amd need to keep at least trying to do as much as I can before I’m actually going to pass out 🥱🤨

“Oh I know but I am currently going through what I believe is the start of clearing out 37 years of pretty severe trauma and I have no control over when that hits me.

My mental health was really bad and had been for a number of months at that point, but a friend came and hang out with my and had a few drinks and we talked all night and most of the following day, and ever since then I have felt like there has been a switch flicked or something has shifted but for the first time in a long time, I feel like me.

But one of the most important realisations I have had is, I no longer plan to apply for any future degrees immediately after I graduate with the degree I’m doing, I have no intention of using the degree for anything. What I am looking forward to the most is just being finished.

All I really want now is to allow myself to heal. Very hard to do that and study and function etc god I’m sorry this got long lol 😆

Basically as long as I get through this and am done by this time next year, honestly, I’m happy with that.

I am genuinely loving what I am learning but I can barely keep my eyes open right now but am still trying to read my note takers notes so I can start watch seminar 5 next”

So, upon reading it back, I can very clearly see, I made it about me 🤔😅🤦‍♀️

I have so many problems, each onw becoming more and more apparent each day 😬

Holy fuck balls

It’s 8:14 pm on the 22nd of December 2022 and in real time I am changing my behaviour based on literally reading my own text and seeing as clear as probably all of you, juat how selfish I appear 😳

I wasn’t always like this. I usually ask 100 questions lol so that is what I am doing. I asked her to tell me all about it.

I get the feeling these day’s that all these students come to me when they want to share or say something but not in the group chat, because I go out of my way to message so many for different reasons.

Anyway, I need to go back to her, and seeing if I can take any of these notes in, make a video to upload and maybe eat some more food. I’m not sure 🤷‍♀️