I’m quite scared that this is going to continue until I have finished this degree.
The only thing helping me to calm down is valium. Thankfully, I am prescribed a box of 50 tablets a month. I can’t seem to do any of this lab report without needing to take one. Sometimes two. I think it’s finally started to kick in.
I really thought I was doing ok with this assignment since finally admitting to myself that I really don’t want to keep studying psychology after this degree. But it turns out that the part of me who is a ‘perfectionist’ according to my Doctor and Psychologist is still very much at play. Though believe me, I don’t want it to be.
Just because I no longer plan to continue studying psychology post grad, I still want to do my absolute best on my remaining units.
I have, however, seen that I have missed specific criteria in my introduction, which I thought I had almost finished. Now it feels like my mind is crashing in on itself, leaving me so overwhelmed that I am constantly bought to tears.
I want to go and walk Boss. He needs to and so do I, but at the same time, I feel like I can’t walk away from my assignment. Though, I know what my psychologist would say, and that is, I won’t achieve anything in this frame of mind and the walk will probably do me some good.
What I have is probably enough to pass, but I know how absolutely gutted I will be if I get shit grades.
Right now, though, the overriding thought consuming me is that I don’t want to do this anymore. Not given how stupid studying psychology makes me feel. I really wish I had been honest with myself when I first realised that it wasn’t for me, but wishing for things in the past is pointless, so I guess I better just get on with it.
It’s 2:40 PM Wednesday the 17th of August. The assignment is due next Friday, the 26th of August. I just have to utilise this time and work as many hours as I can between now and then. I have no interest in getting an extension, since as soon as this one is due and submitted, I need to start on the second assignment. All while trying to keep up with the weekly content for the exam.
Please send good vibes my way. Believe me; I need them.