I am enjoying being in here. It feels more peaceful since there’s not much in here. As it should, given how hard I worked to transform the room. Originally it was a spare room with a double bed for visitors. But it hardly got used. I used it for storage and hanging clothes on the clothes horse mostly. I ended up always closing the door, which shuts out a lot of light and makes the hallway darker.
So I decided to do something about it. I worked for a day or so. I’m honestly not totally sure since I can’t completely remember, but I do remember writing a blog about it. I turned the room into my ‘Meditation Room’ because I knew just like I’ve known for years just how much I would benefit me if done consistently every day. I just have never actually gotten there. ..
I’m enjoying the view while writing this. Though it’s darker now than when I started writing this, which, I don’t know the exact time of.
Apparently, the rain is coming. I sure hope so. Sitting here with my weekly content for the personality unit I am enrolled in, playing on my laptop is nice. I think the more peaceful environment combined with the anti-gravity chair I’m sitting in is helping. I don’t know what this chair is actually called, by the way. But it helps elevate the pain in my back. Which, in turn, is helping me mentally to get through these learning objectives without consciously connecting to the verbal abuse inside my head, reminding me over and over again that I have had plenty of time to catch up. More than enough time not to have fallen behind. That I shouldn’t be here, I should be working and studying all day every day, and if I’m not then, I’m failing. Just writing this blog isn’t actually”work”.
Ah man, my phone finger holder thing just broke off as I’m writing this. Lol guess it’s time to put my phone away and keep working my way through the content. I am praying I retain as much of the information as possible and that combined with listening to the textbook, some of what I’m learning sticks 😅
I can’t explain it, but in my mind, I can’t relax or focus on the assignment when I still have to complete week four and week five weekly readings and watch the videos for each of the learning objectives. The videos help explain the textbook information. But I really need to get stuck back into my assignment asap because the due date is getting closer each day.
I just reach back over what I have written so far, and once again, I can see how ridiculous and unhelpful the thoughts all stemming from fear are.
I realised last night I think it was that I had forgotten about my daily mantra, so have started reminding myself by saying it out loud every time I think of it. Thankfully it’s helping. Slowly but surely, just like always, I will pull myself out of the darkness and back into the light..
Until then though, and I’m already rising so I know it’s started, I better keep working my way through the learning objectives.
As we all know, if I repeat information over and over again, it does seem to help me remember stuff but everything else I struggle with. Especially when I’m alone.