And so far, the two valiums I have had aren’t helping. I can feel myself spiralling deep and deeper and can’t seem to pull myself out of it.
Uni is trying to completely break me, and I think it might win.
I no longer feel cut out for this. I’m too slow, it’s taken me years, and I’ve already cried so much since starting back.
I no longer care about future degrees. I just want to now out and run away.
This is all too hard…
And my suicide ideation is back and trying to drag me back into the nothingness I have spent most of my life in.
I just feel so incredibly sad.
Even Boss won’t stay with me when I’m crying.
I’m never going to have someone to hug me and tell me its going to be ok..
And for the first time, in a long time, I fighting the urges to hurt myself. I know it doesn’t help anything but right now in this moment I feel so completely alone and I just can’t stop crying