I have cancelled the puppy play date. They are still going and I know Boss needs it making me the worst person ever, but I can’t stop crying. I scare people away easily enough as it is.
So I have to my room to cry on my bed. Curtains closed.
I don’t need any more reminders that I am and always will be alone. And yeah, I can see the irony of me cancelling catching up on dog today but I met this woman and her daughter once.
I feel bad enough telling a close friend I’m feeling like this. I’m not doing it to them.
I guess some people are just destined to be alone, and I am one of them.
I don’t know anything anymore except that I want to stop feeling like I am constantly failing. Never going to be good enough.
This godawful feeling of what is wrong with me?
Why do I spend so much time alone??
I’m going to get stoned to stop all the other feelings and urges that come with this overwhelming feeling of sadness.
I am 36 years old. Please God, allow the constant thoughts of death to go. I have listened for long enough. I don’t have the energy to fight these thoughts for the rest of my life 😭😭