Day 115: 23rd April 2022 | Feeling … something .. not sure what 🤨


I am still fragile and easily annoyed. My gardener pissed me off by going against what I asked him to purchase, and instead, he bought what he thought was best at double the cost.

And on top of that, the back gate is still broken. I had been able to prop it up to close it, which is essential since my yard needs to be secure for Boss. I went to open it from the front today, and after 5 minutes of trying, I had to go out back and try and open it from that side. It took ages and having to move the broken gate, but I was finally able to get it open. Only to be told that instead of dropping off the soil today as he said, it will now be Monday at the earliest. So the back gate is now in an even worse position.

I am incredibly grateful that Boss is mostly an inside dog and, when outside, doesn’t jump on anything.

I have spoken to the gardener since making this video, and he said he will come and figure everything out on Monday. I have no idea if he will still do my lawns for me after this, but here’s hoping he will since he lives at the end of the street directly across from me.

Anyway, I have heaps to do. I need to focus on uni and work, and anytime my thoughts get away from me, I will refocus on what I am doing. Well, to the best of my ability.

Another thing I am focusing on which helps is the people in my life who care about and love me. I just have to figure out how to stop feeling like I’m dropping “my trauma” on them since I had never thought this before, and now this thought won’t go away.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out or left a support comment. It truly means a lot!

For those of you who may be new to my channel, I use this channel to be able to post these videos on my website, where I blog about my life daily. This channel is literally an online diary for me. Journaling in a book just for myself doesn’t help me in the slightest.

I don’t edit any of my videos either, and actually upload them before even I watch them. For some reason, this process helps me the most.

I share everything that I do because I know I am just one of the so many millions of people going through daily stuff who may feel like they are totally alone. Plus this helps me know I’m not totally alone either.


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