So some time around 7 years ago or so I was attending DBT theory as an out patient at one of Melbourne’s finest private mental health hospitals. Had been in attendance twice a week, each day from 9am till roughly 4pm I think, for a year.

Well my psychiatrist at the time and the psychologists running the program came to me at the end of the day on Friday and advised that I needed to become an inpatient due to my continuing weight loss. They told me I had anorexia nervosa. I disagreed. It didn’t matter. I was basically told I either become a voluntary inpatient or I would be made to become one, and that is really scary, the thought of my rights being taken completely away..

So I went into hospital. I was 47 or 48kgs. Apparently, according to the BMI for my height, 56kgs is the lowest I should be. I remember at the time just laughing and telling the doctors it was never going to happen. After 2 and a half months and sooo many tests and being escorted to and from the dining hall for the last month since no one could understand why I wasn’t gaining weight, they finally agreed to let me go home at 51.9kg because I had managed to get them to agreed to 52kg being my goal to get to to be able to go home. Thankfully I had private health insurance at the time as it was when I was first being diagnosed with everything and I had been told to get it.

Anyway, while I was in hospital, I saw so many doctors and the one that I always forget, which is ironic since its what helped me get out of the hospital, is being told I have hyperthyroidism, or over-active thyroid. .

Well my friend friend Sian called just before since I’m a mess and this website alone proves I can’t keep anything to myself (honestly if I didn’t share the way I do which is who I am at my core then I am absolutely positive I would be dead by now) so a couple of close friends know I’m having a pretty shitty day, and anyway after I listed all of the symptoms I am currently putting up with while I feel this strange, she said it sounded exactly like what one of her extended family members has been diagnosed with and said it might be.. hyperthyroidism.

As soon as she said it ,I felt like 🤦‍♀️ she sent me the picture from Google that I added to this and its literally every single thing I am dealing with right now. No wonder I feel so shit and my weight is still dropping.

I thought my weight was being affected by my dexamfetamine medication but I haven’t taken any in over a week while just resting and relaxing at home since uni finished for the year, yet its still dropping. And not in a good way. I look too skinny. I feel like I’m going to collapse constantly. I am covered in bruises and now sweating like crazy while feeling cold!

Fuck me. I’m sick of dealing with shit. I can relate to enough people without anything else 😫🥺

So now I have CT scan tomorrow, ultrasound on 14th and I’m going to have to go through all the medical paperwork I’ve got to find all the documents relating to when I was in hospital as I now need to make another appointment with my doctor and relay all of this to her…

Seriously….. someone just dig me my grave now… I’m about ready to crawl in…