I want to do really well this trimester. Im so nervous about the results being released tomorrow. I had a full blown panic attack during the exam for unit I just did and didn’t even finish the exam so know I’m probably going to get a shit grade..

I didn’t listen to my own advice and knowledge, since slipping back into negative thought patterns without realising…

I know better than anyone the universe doesn’t understand the negative. If you say things like.. I don’t want to be broke the universe hears I want to be broke..

Well I unfortunately have been saying since the exam took place that I don’t want to spend Thursday evening alone due to this being the first time being this unsure of how I’ll go.. well you can probably see what I’ve done..

The Universe doesn’t understand “don’t” so I unfortunately have manifested exactly what I didn’t want. No one is free tomorrow. I thought I was spending time with my family tomorrow but I seeing my mum, sister and niece for lunch today and that is probably the last time I will see my mum before she leaves…

I am choosing to look on the bright side though and am focusing on the fact that I do get to see my mum before she leaves. I love her so much but during this trip I have realised once and for all that I will only be able to continue having a relationship with my mum by sticking to completely mundane superficial topics. It makes me sad that out of everyone I know, I can’t be myself with my mum, but if I want to keep her in my life this is what I have to do.

Hopefully lunch goes well. After lunch mum needs to get covid test to be able to fly back to NZ on Saturday morning. I have said i will go and wait with them since its the last time I’ll be seeing mum for a long time. Guess I’ll know more when I see them.

But for now, it’s time to shower and get ready and keep working on uni work until its time to leave.