I forgot my afternoon medication. My ADHD medication. That is not good. This is not fun. Constantly repeating myself in everything I do.

Ahhhhhhhhhh

Ok, I’m good. Also, I took two of the 20 thc gummies when we got home. Which wasn’t very long ago. They’re yet to kick in. But the bong I had was lovely.  My version of getting wasted on the piss drinking alcohol lol

I have decided to just completely empty everything in the top cupboard here and the shelf under it as well as the shelf on the other side and on top of the storage cube, filled with clothes. Merv is just cleaning the inside of the bucket now. I am sitting on my bed writing this with the top cupboard components next to me. I think I finally figured out where I was going wrong. I kept moving things around trying to minimise but never actually took most things out. Just moved them around.

Everything not currently being used, needs to go out. I know that. I know plenty. Yet, ironically, my mind truly honestly does work better on cannabis simply because all other occasions and a lot of the time when stoned too, especially if I’m put on the spot, my mind is blank. Like Missy on Young Sheldon or Homer Simpson. Perfect example right here: I had to Google how to spell “Homer Simpson”. I wasn’t sure if I was right and second guessing myself like I do everything or wrong, so I checked. And that point I’d already changed it several times writing it down, so, yeah… there’s a wonderful little example of why everything takes so long. Huh. Everything really does take so long. Because I I honestly don’t know how to explain it, this, any of it to anyone anymore. I know I’m not stupid. But most of the time it really feels like I’m blocked from being able to access any of it. God, listen to me. I sound crazy. All I know is that I want my life back. Some normal semblance of it. I can have that here in the caravan living with Merv. I want to go travelling. We just have to figure out the hard stuff first. Fixing the van obviously is the first one. Then sorting the storage.

I’ve stepped outside into the real world again haha get out of my head… Merv is putting up the magnetic whiteboard we got. I need to do stuff while I can hahahaha

6:11 PM