Merv is paying a lot of money for a really decent pair of hearing aids and yet he only really wears them when we go out. Or he has to talk to someone other than me.

I have asked him so many times to please wear them. That is why he got them. Why he is paying for them. Or at lease please tell me in the morning if he is not wearing them so that I am aware that he can’t hear a word I say. No wonder he has no problem living with me. Except from my side it’s becoming harder to take in certain particular situations. You know, all the ones in which I am telling him something important, for a reason,.and he is nodding and agreeing with me, I think he knows what I’m talking about. I wish.

I have tried to explain what I mean to Eden via messenger. Hopefully I’m making sense. I gave her an example. Waiting to hear back. He’s just gone to take the laundry up to wash while I continue to get some kind of order (once again!) in the annex.

It’s Sunday. We check out next Sunday. We’ve been saying for so long that we will have the two older gentlemen who are permanent residents here who helped us into our spot, over for drinks and yet haven’t. It’s so unlike me. I didn’t even knock on their doors for Christmas or New Years. Christmas especially had me literally asking myself what the hell was happening because every part of me wanted to. Knew that I needed to. Could automation see myself in these gentlemen. Both in their 80s. And I say gentlemen instead of guys because of their age. Not their mannerisms. On the very first day of meeting them, before they had even helped with parking the van, before I got any information to take back to Merv, one of them, the guy who owns the only proper house on the property. Not a cabin. And actual house. I haven’t seen inside it. I’ve barely left this van. I have not felt like me the entire time I’ve been here.

God I hope I can pull my shit together and actually figure out what the hell I’m doing because right now in this moment, aside from moving to the next park next Sunday, I have no idea how to accomplish everything else I want done before that. Today and every day before today proves that and then that just makes me want to cry.

I honestly don’t understand (once again!!) how it’s now 5:58 PM and there is still no order. Most of the van still looks the same. The bathroom looks good. Better than before, so that’s something. And I did the pills that I could. 12 boxes.

Once I put all the clothes and whatever there might be room for into the cubes that will definitely help make a difference. It’s the cupboards I’m struggling with. I realised if I could figure out how to use those 3D computer graphics maybe I could figure out what storage I can use. ChatGPT can probably do too but I’m not even sure what to ask it. Something to think about. Merv is back. I’m still typing to you. I I I jeesze somebody please tell me how to make this time. This is so fucked up. Why does …..

No thinking, just posting, diary right…

6:04 PM