WOW!! 😯😲

I am watching myself in my video dates the 9th of December 2025. It doesn’t have what time it was made in the description (🤦‍♀️) and I just wanted to say, I can’t believe how bad I sound.

I mean, I am literally describing how I feel in the video, but watching it is definitely different.

I really wish I knew how to get the videos to play in order from this page (see picture) but I have no idea how. Is there a way? Can anyone please help me in the comments?

I am also once again trying to hmmm procrastinate it would appear looking around the caravan. I have to fill my pills. I’ve had the box with the medication in it and the medication case with the 31 separate pill boxes, morning, noon, and night, and then fill each one of them. It’s only the 25th, I shouldn’t have to do this yet. But I obviously didn’t finish doing it when I filled them last time, did I. I told myself at the time that I would. That I wouldn’t end up doing what I’ve been doing. What I always do if I mess up my meds and/or the pill boxes. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to even do this? I personally myself am actually ok with everything I got going on, in the sense that I actually have worked through so much that I can see everything from the other side. Thought, yet again, in the past three days, I’ve spent two of them crying. Can you imagine what it might be like to have a mind like mine? I know each and every single one of us is different but I think you know what I mean. I never you to think like this. I guess I knew i was different since forever but all I ever really felt was disliked. By everyone. My entire life, I’ve been alone. Like genuinely alone. My sister and brother had each other growing up. Huh. I think I just got something. The penny dropped. The piece clicked. I didn’t know until I was 19 years old that I’d been in foster care throughout my entire childhood. I knew I had in high school because of the flashes of memories that I have. Flashes. Everything comes in flashes. No, not everything. But most things. Especially my younger years. Man. This is one big block of text right now. I have to fix it. But if I try to now, I will start reading it and I don’t want to. Not yet. I will start overthinking it as I work out where to break the paragraphs and I have so much to do already. Plus that’s exactly why I don’t watch my videos first either. Writings like these are meant for the website more than anything. Actually, these two platforms and any others I may get as I can get them are all as worthy as each other. And I really need to so something about proving that to myself given the state I’ve let my website get to. I want my own platform where I can share all of my projects from. Maybe I should see if the domain name with .com is available now. It wasn’t when I started my website. That’s why mine is .blog. Because. com wasn’t available and .blog was perfect at the time. My website theme needs to be completely changed to allow for this. I pay the money to do all of this. I just have to do it. I can hear Merv has pulled up out front. Both beds have stuff of mine them and I’ve been here for however long standing between the beds typing this. I’m going to take two more photos and then post this.