I messaged my doctor this morning asking for her to please either fit me in for a super quick chat or to please at least send me escripts for pain meds to help me get  through what I have to.

I explained everything going on in detail, including the burn and just how little time we have and how things just keep stopping us from getting any full days of packing done. Today included.

I didn’t even have time to send her the photos before she called me. She is wonderful like that. I explained the burn and how it happened and that I was in the middle of selecting the best before photos and current ones, when she called.

I sent her the photos which she replied in message that it was bad. She had asked me on the phone what is causing me the most stress right now and I told her it was the very limited time we had to pack up the house and yet, day by day, they keep slipping has, with so much else to do and it’s causing me major panic attacks throughout everyday, which in turn of course makes everything so much harder and longer to do.

I found my doctor available on WhatsApp (since I have her private number) and asked for her permission to please send her a video of the current state of our house. She said yes.

Now, keep in mind that I live with severe chronic pain and fatigue daily. A bladder condition that basically controls me, and so, so, so many other things that are all really bad by themselves but imagine having them all compounded on top of each other like I do. Then add panic disorder, complex PTSD, ADHD, BPD, depression, anxiety and unfortunately now my suicide ideation is back and really not fun to be dealing with right now. In fact, right now is the absolute worst time ever for any, yet all of these to be raring their ugly heads. I’m just barely holding on. All I want in the whole world right is for someone to knock on the door tomorrow offering to help, but, I know that really is a dream. I have asked everyone I can think of, including the public, for help. Truthfully enough, and I feel so silly saying this now, but I honestly believed that we would be OK. That people would help us. I never ever could have imagined being in this situation before and it makes me sad.

A number of things are making me sad these days.

But, anyway, since I asked Merv to not speak during the video since I was sending it to my doctor, and instead he did, I just decided to make it both.

This video that I am uploading is the exact same video that I sent to my doctor at whatever time I say in the video.

I am more genuinely worried more than normal because of my hands. They are worrying me. This morning while having breakfast I want to cry just typing this, but I was holding my coffee in my right hand, fingers through the cup handle thankfully, this time when my hand failed, and the cup dropped I was able to correct the fall before becoming completely burned on the other side. I was so lucky is all I can say. But it scared me. The coffee landed on my right side. So, the other side from  where I am currently burned. I’m ok though. Just genuinely concerned about how I’m going to do this when I can barely use my hands 😔

Merv made this entire video.

8:47 PM