I woke up feeling so sad. So, so sad. I’m sick of this. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to continue living on this extreme roller-coaster of emotions for the rest of my life 😢

I was finally feeling so good. Happier than I’d been for awhile. But finding out I’ve been lied to by the one person I thought I could trust the most, about something we have talked about so many times due all the previous lies told on the same subject.

How do I keep trusting when being honest is the most important thing in the world to me?

I have taken another xanax just to stop crying.

I can hear Merv packing boxes in the kitchen, whereas, I am struggling to even get out of bed. I went and had a cigarette, which I definitely didn’t need, then came back to bed.

I have to start to feel better before I get up or anything will start me crying given how I am feeling.

I truly thought this place I’d moved to was going to be my new home. I felt so happy and welcomed when I arrived and was away from the farm.

Now, I want to get away from here as soon as possible. I still have to write the official email and fill in the form to break the lease early, which I am not looking forward to given how badly my mood has spiralled. I have to be very careful to not let it pull me further down into the abyss.

9:08 AM