I honestly don’t know why. There were so many things that I could have attended today or done, but in the end, I postponed drinks with someone to go and see Happy’s sisters at an event, only to cancel that too.

I had a cry after Happy got one of my vitamins pill bottles and wouldn’t listen to anything we said to get her to stop. She thought it was a game. I cried because I felt like a failure in regard to my lack of being able to train her. I am trying, but not nearly well enough.

Afterwards, I read for a bit. Then, I used my solarium for the first time in the house. I was happy to get back in and use it again. After that, I got into the bath Merv had poured for me. I ended up staying in the bath for hours.

When I got out, I let Merv know that as much as I had said that, I wanted to go out and do something because of the significance of today’s date to me, but I just wasn’t up to it after all. He was very understanding. He always is. I am very privileged to call him a friend and housemate.

Thank you all so much for joining me here. You have no idea how often I go through stages second, guessing myself, making these videos. Questioning if I’m putting darkness out into the world. But that’s not why I share my darkness. I share it because I know I’m not alone. Because I want others to feel seen, heard, and brave. I want you to know that if you suffer bad days like I do, you are still a good person worthy of love. I know I am. Even though I know I still have so much to learn and help myself with ♡

7:40pm