After having high hopes for today. It started ok but quickly shifted the longer it took me to get the stupid citizenship application done. It should have been so easy and fast, but it wasn’t. I had made so many mistakes. In the end, I just ended up crying and going to sleep. Mind you, I took three valuim over the course of the day.

Since then, I have just watched TV. My depression and anxiety are back. I still feel completely betrayed by Merv lying to me. I am constantly questioning if I have made a huge mistake moving in with him. I was finally feeling ok with everything, but now this.

I don’t care what anyone else thinks. There is NO such thing as an ok lie. Of any kind! I give my trust freely, but once it’s gone, it’s gone. I honestly don’t know how it’s supposed to come back, given the number of times he has already promised to nit lie to me again. His apologies and promises to make it up to me mean nothing.

And so I am right back where I have been for so many years. Feeling so sad that I constantly feel like I’m going to cry. Along with not caring about anything anymore.

I’m turning my phone off tomorrow. I plan to make a video at some stage, but other than that, I just want to be left completely alone.

10:01 p.m.