https://youtube.com/@lifesastoryblog?si=iUjs5tMeJc8O5JB4

I have no idea why the links are saying the videos are restricted. I will find out. The link above (which hopefully works) is the link to my YouTube channel where you can see the video for today.

I don’t feel like I’m coping very well. Merv says I am. That most people would be feeling like I am. I constantly feel like I’m going to cry. And today I did. Not much r for long, but I just couldn’t keep it in any longer.

I am trying to say strong for him, yet this is your everyday run of the mill stuff for him, given he was a paramedic for over 40 years. To me, however, this is insanely massive. He is literally missing a huge part of his leg right down to the bone.

Listening to all the different possible ways the doctors can try and fix it is scary. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it to type this.

I feel like I need a break. I’m now checked in to stay at this accommodation until Monday. I am praying Merv is released on Monday. We will know more once the MRI results are back. Merv reckons it could be Monday. The vac pac has to come home with him, and nurses will come out to the house daily.

Obviously, he needs more surgery. I mean, how else would the skin grafts and packing the gaping hole that is the wound without surgery?

The front desk told me that they have someone else booked in to stay in the room I am currently staying in from Monday onwards. For some reason, they need this particular room and have said they will move me. I have therapy on Wednesday at 1 p.m. my time. I need to be home for that. I need good steady internet for that. I told Merv that I am going to go home on Tuesday afternoon and come back on Wednesday afternoon. But, when I am honest with myself, I really want to go home on Monday afternoon instead.

So, I am praying Merv is discharged on Monday and that we know beforehand. I know he will be understanding in me needing a break for myself, but I still feel so guilty. I don’t know how to tell him. I just feel so sad about this whole affair. And I’m mad at myself for not making him go to a doctor when he needed to at the start. When the accident occurred.

And now the tears come. Rolling down my face. I just want him to be ok. I feel like this is all my fault, and I just don’t know how to handle it the longer this goes on.

9:29 p.m.