Why am I so ashamed to talk about it? To truly explain what it feels like to be where i am right now. The predicament that i have found myself in. Or maybe not ashamed. I don’t think that is the right word. I scared?. Worried? Afraid? Of what? These two people? Of being afraid of being thrown out? Like I have nowhere to go.

Fuck, man. Overthinking. I have thoughts on top of thoughts. Does anyone understand that?

Omg. I’ve realised once and for all where I’ve been seeing it wrong with my mother. Now that I’ve gotten to this point. Now. I need to be there for her. Not the other way around.

I have cried ot out over my past. My childhood. I forgave my mum a long time ago. But she feels such deep regret, sadness and shame, and I just wish I could take it from her and let her be free. To be her. She’s going to be 72 on the 15th of this month. My

I started crying. I love my mum so much. I need to be the one to teach her that it’s ok to be emotional. I honestly don’t think she knows. It’s ok to be real. I’m just stopping crying now. I was telling my mum inside my head how much I love her.

I need to publish. Otherwise, this will become part of an unfortunately long list of drafts. I’m going to put the new Netflix series, The Perfect Couple, on and eat the rest of my Mexican rice. I also have a video that I need to upload.

8:50 p.m.