I’m waiting for my phone to finish backing up everything so I can make a video. I don’t know why it’s not automatically doing it like it should.

I wanted to wake up early today, and I did. At approximately 5:27 a.m. I woke up in excruciating pain. All down the right-hand side of my back and side is in debilitating pain. I questioned, getting up then and taking my morning meds and pain meds. I told myself that I wanted to get up early and that staying in bed wasn’t going to help me, given, I’m absolutely positive it’s the memory foam mattress causing this pain. Then all the stuff I’ve been doing, like vacuming the car, is adding to it. I didn’t get up, though. I just swapped sides of the bed with Boss. I should have gotten up. But I’m not beating myself up about it because that won’t help me. I took my adhd medication at approximately 7:15 but didn’t get up until 10:30 a.m.

I had a coffee while reading a nosleep story on Reddit, but it wasn’t long before I was in tears. That’s how bad it is. Just moving at all is aggravating it. I have come back to my room  and am sitting on my in my pjs and dressing gown with my throw blanket. I have taken pain meds. I am waiting for them to kick in completely before trying to get up again. I’m some what nervous that Andrew might arrive while I’m still in my pjs which I now find some what embarrassing but I don’t actually know if I’m going to see him, and I know he doesn’t judge me.

I first thought today was, “I’m not going to be able able to leave on Wednesday.” I am supposed to be going to see my mechanic today to get the switches on the dash camera smart box flipped the other way, as, I’m positive that’s all that needs to be done but I can barely move right now let alone drive anywhere. I’m going to call and ask if I can pop in tomorrow morning after my chiropractor appointment before I have to drive to my doctor. I’m nervous about all the driving tomorrow, so I’m very nervous about driving anywhere else.

I feel like people will be judging me for how long it is taking me to leave on my trip. I told everyone I wasn’t saying a specific day because life happens and things keep changing. But because I now have to arrive when Sammie is there, which is only Friday nights, Saturday and Sunday mornings, it means I do have to leave by a certain day to ensure I arrive during this time. My mechanic keeps laughing at me, saying I’ll probably still be here in two months. I won’t be, but  that’s how I feel everyone thinks. I mean, I haven’t left yet for good reasons.

Due to needing to arrive during the time when Sammie is there, I had planned to try and leave Wednesday morning this week. I have planned to allow myself three  stopovers on the way. This would mean sleeping in my car Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night, arriving on Saturday at some point. I honestly don’t think there will be any chance that I can given how bad this pain flare-up is. It would be nice if I could leave on Thursday and either push myself to get there with only two stopovers or arrive early Sunday morning. I don’t want to keep putting off leaving, and it’s not like being here at home is helping me. Given that I’m fairly positive, it’s my mattress causing this flare-up.

I am going to try to work out if I can make the trip in less time and just take whatever pain meds I need to get through it. Once I’m up there, I can rest for the whole week after Sammie and Sunny have left to go back to work. I am looking forward to having a new bed and mattress.

I think my meds are slowly starting to work. Though I’m still too nervous to actually try and move just yet. I’m also experiencing pelvic pain so I could be getting my period. I honestly don’t know. I forgot to write it down somewhere easy like my diary when I last had it. I know I mentioned it here somewhere, but that will involve a lot of looking to find. All I know is that I start experiencing the pain, and it’s really bad pain, a week before I get it. Same for when I’m ovulating. My body just hates me.

When I started writing this, I had sort of decided that I wouldn’t be leaving until next week and would aim to arrive there on the Friday night. Now, I am going to see how much I can get done once I’m able to get up and get dressed and make a start on things. I know I won’t be able to leave on Wednesday because I will need a day after tomorrow without driving first. But I am going to see if I can leave on Thursday.

I am still not feeling great, and the pain is still extremely high, but I am feeling a bit of slight relief, which will hopefully get better in time. I ended up taking two Targin. I took 40mg to begin with but took a 20mg not long after. I almost never take this much at once, but I literally could barely move without crying in pain.

I tided up my living room on Saturday night after vacuming my car and packed my salt lamps into a box to put in my car. I have a few empty boxes in my room to continue putting things into. I have decided to take literally everything that I can that I use. Like my files from my filing cabinet. I had planned to take a few but now plan to take them all and get a cheap second-hand filing cabinet up there along with a bookshelf.

I need to wash my dishes and tidy up the kitchen. I have my kitchen table piled high with everything going into the car under the mattress and on top. Blankets,  throw rugs, pillows, and teddy bears. Once I put them and the art and everything else into the car, that will make a huge difference.

Juice is coming first thing in the morning tomorrow before he starts work. I’m going to get him to help me pack the boxes since it was going to be difficult as it was doing it myself while feeling ok, but, I’m not willing to risk causing myself more pain trying lone feeling the way I am.

Knowing that I can rest and sleep in a bed that isn’t going to cause the pain that I’m in is actually a huge motivation to get everything done and just get on the road. This is what I’m going to focus on. Because otherwise, I really don’t know when I’ll leave.

I really should have put the time at the start of this post since I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here typing this. I would still like my meds to kick in better before starting on the main things that need to be done, but I can at least get dressed after publishing this and go from there. It’s a nice sunny day which is good for packing.

My goal for today is to pack everything that is going in the car, besides the personal stuff, clothes, food, etc. I would also like to get everything that needs to go into boxes done. Most of it is, but, like I said, I have decided to take more with me than originally planned. I have to keep reminding myself that I am effectively just going from my home here to a new place up there, where I will still be alone the majority of the time and will still need everything up there that I do here.

I’m going to call my mechanic and let him know I’ll pop in tomorrow morning so I don’t have to drive anywhere today. I might ask if he can swing past mine after work since I’m less than ten minutes away, but I obviously don’t expect him to.

I need to actually get up now, but as much as I’ve said everything above, I would still very much like to keep sitting on my bed. I think what I will do is get dressed, open all the curtains, wash the dishes, and then coome read Corey’s new intro while having another coffee. That way, I get some stuff done, then can sit and rest while reading before moving onto the bigger stuff.

Please send me good thoughts. I very much appreciate you all.

12:55 p.m.

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