Because I didn’t get a single invitation to anywhere.

I can literally feel how I know how badly that would have destroyed me in the past.

Like I am standing on a tightrope and on one side is ego, sadness, pain, loneliest, self-esteem questions such as “why do absolutely no one I know ask me what I was doing and ask me to join them?”

As most of us know, even my deepest, most important beliefs are no match for my ego until the lessons have been learnt, which, of course, I must learn over and over again before I am truly able to align with my beliefs. Believe me, I can hear myself and read my own words so I am fully aware of how crazy I must sound a lot of the time, but I’m ok with that because every single thing I am going through is teaching me more and more.

Thankfully, I actually do believe I was born to be a loner and that spending the amount of time in solitude that I do is all teaching me something. Just like not being invited anywhere by anyone I know to spend New Years Eve with them. I very much would have declined any and all invitations anyway, so in that sense, it makes perfect sense why I received no invitations to see the New Year in with anyone.

Now that I’ve written this much, so many things are coming to mind. Last year’s new years eve was exactly the same. Until I ended up meeting some random out the front of my house earlier in the day and she came over, and we drunk and smoked weed and saw 2023 in together. I’ve also just remembered that I filmed a lot of that night, which would be funny to watch exactly one year later 😆

Right now, though, after I publish this, I am going to grab my uni notes that are all printed out and put them into booklets in preparation for tomorrow when I get back to studying 📖

Currently, music, Tool, in fact, is playing on my tv but I really want to get my notes done and then try to sort out the spare room since the neighbours have taken most of the stuff but I need to empty the buffet table before they can take it.

Speaking of my neighbours, I now have the same voice translation app installed as them so we can talk to each other. The only person who speaks English is at work. I wouldn’t be surprised if they are staying at home and celebrating new years that she might ask me to join them, but I obviously don’t know lol

I think before anything, actually, I need to eat

7:21 pm