It’s 6:13 pm right now.

A lot has happened since this appointment, which was this afternoon, the 6th of December from 2-3pm.

I am about to make a video on my laptop while this uploads from my phone.

Thankfully, I am feeling more like myself again, but at the same time, I will not be looking at a single thing to do with university for the rest of the day and more than likely tomorrow.

I know everything will get done. It always does. I just wish I could get my 3D human self to catch up with the rest of me because, if nothing else, it would stop confusion and non-stop second-guessing myself.

I my mind, I “should”* not be in this situation. I “should” have graduated years ago, but since I haven’t, I feel like my grades “should” be so high that I have nothing to worry about, graduating with distinction. And to think, I spent approximately six years beating myself up while trying to convince myself that even though I have never wanted to be a psychologist, I still needed to do the degrees.

Keep in mind that when I originally applied to university I wasn’t even six months off nice, had just been interviewed to be on national television and knew that to get to my stage, what I see in my minds eye, I obviously needed to learn a lot. Mostly about me, but in general, I also knew I needed creditability. It never had anything to do with getting a job at the end of the undergraduate degree. I can’t work. There’s a reason I’m on disability. But one day, I would like to be able to work for myself and be self-sufficient. I am an extremely lucky person in so many ways, so where I am is where I need to be.

Except for how much uni fu*ks with me. And it’s a LOT. Even now, on my last unit, with all the money I’m paying, I have cried so much. Hence, the emergency psychology appointment today.

I think this is what’s getting to me the most at. I am the one who rightly says in my session that I have helped so many students. Very likely hundreds because of the notes I have.

But that doesn’t mean I’ve read them. I updated them all. Re formatted them and changed all the pictures from the old slides to clear, easy to read screenshots from the actual pdf of the textbook. I spent literally weeks making them just right because I would be devastated if I shared something to help others, only to discover it was wrong. So, I triple checked everything.

When comes to sharing the notes, the only regrets I have is not sharing them earlier, and, again, as you will hear me say in the session, I am now highly aware that during some of my more psychologically distressed states, that in hindsight, especially regarding the main groups for uni last trimester, I believe I may have reacted using the exact thing we are literally writing our reports on. Reactive relational aggression.

Talk about a major wake-up call from the Universe.

I’ve been tying for 34 minutes now, so I’m tired lol

I might might a video later, but since I actually want to watch this once it’s live on my channel, there’s a good chance, I’ll fill you all in on the rest of the day, tomorrow xxx

6:50

Footnote
*This word has seriously negative, low vibrational connotations connected to it that is for another video when I have brain power to teach lol

Publishing at 8:10 pm. I am about to sit down and watch this myself.