I just didn’t know it until right now 🥹

My heart is beating so fast, how much I can feel it is now making me cry.

What if something is really wrong. I haven’t felt right for so long.

I wrote “And now I just feel so alone” but realised that is not true. Especially not today of all days.

All day I have felt ‘off’. I’ll explain today in detail, in tomorrow’s video, but I have actually felt extremely connected to abs and in realising that, I stopped crying.

I have had a highly emotional, second guessing everything day. It started as soon as I got up. I have paperwork for the rest of the tests that need to be done, which are at a hospital far away from me. Because I don’t have copies of the referrals for today and tomorrow, I started second guessing which hospital I was going to. I actually called once I was out of the shower and they were open. I then read “Visitors Parking” too mean only visitors, whereas I was having a procedure done. Parked so far away and had to walk, I didn’t get far before I was crying.

I was so emotional it took me some time after arriving, only to be told what I already knew, that I can park in the parking lot in front of the main entrance.

I came home and immediately turned the heat and electric blanket on and grabbed my weighted blanket to have a nap. I thought it was 1 pm when I woke up but it was 3 pm. I got home around 12 I think.

I read some more of my notes upon waking up and did week one practice questions and got 12/17. I thought the first quiz was open next week but it actually opens on the 18th of August which is awesome.

I have started watching Paradise but was only 16:27 in when I paused it to write this post. I am so glad I did. I feel better than before. I am hungry but exhausted so going to watch some more while I figure out what to have

5:21 pm