I forgot it was a public holiday until I checked my calendar.

I’m the main character of my story. As are all of you. There’s a subreddit with that name, the main character taking the piss but I see it as a story. I’d happily have everyone I know in my videos and use their real names but I did that the first time I made videos in 2017 and 2018 for a year. None of them have been aired bar one which only has me in it and it was my very first which is actually edited because I did want to air them eventually but no one was ok with their names or faces being aired. So I’ve learnt my lesson. I mean where is everyone now? I’m all alone.

How is my rib? Hmmm still broken. Painful. I haven’t taken pain meds since Friday. Though, I don’t think I’ve taken any of my meds since Friday. Guess I’m down.

I didn’t make a video yesterday. I consciously thought about it. I was so tired and sad and exhausted that I just wanted to go to sleep. It was 7:35 pm and I was falling asleep on my bed to Friends so decided that I would. I haven’t seen anyone in ages. I decided that I didn’t care. I couldn’t sleep thinking about it until 10:30 pm and I woke up thinking about it often throughout the night needing to pee so bad it was painful I couldn’t ignore it and every time I thought about the video I hadn’t made and all the things I’ve said about what it would take to get me to stop and well in this moment the most obvious answer to me is, I was wrong.

All it took was for me to acknowledge that I need to take a break. I want to write in here. Not bother other people. I do need to finish notes that I promised some students but I want to add headers for myself and it’s T3 so I don’t think it will be today. But then again it’s 10:30 am plenty of time to pull myself out of this. Bed. Maybe.

Regarding the videos, Michael I hope you see this, Happy belated Birthday, sorry it’s late 😅

But I haven’t decided yet but it’s not working for me right now so I go dark. I haven’t decided anything.

10:33 am

I have used my arm in the past couple of days while I make the oil. I won’t be using it today. Said as I realise I’m using it right now holding my phone. Fuck.