And I’ve been trying to talk to my therapist like she suggested by talking to her through my camera the same way I speak to all of you.

I very much like the idea and when I say trying it was …..

I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the kitchen, and then chopped a mix. Even I think that sounds bad, given the current state of my health.

Just earlier, I told myself that tonight is the last night anyway, thankfully.

I start fasting at 7:30 am tomorrow, Monday, the 3rd of April. My surgery is in the afternoon of Tuesday the fourth. The 7 am start sounds more appealing in hindsight.

I soaked and cleaned the vape bongs pieces which I am very happy about. Especially since I am going to put it away again. Omg I’m just realising that when I grind plenty of weed and only have half a cigarette that I put half the weed into another container to use for the vape capsules but today I didn’t.

That may be what contributed to the panic attack I had outside weeding the garden since it looks terrible and I really want to pull my house apart and sort everything once and for all. I saw something on my glove in my peripheral vision and even though I know it was nothing more than a leaf it still tipped the scales enough in my mind to panic, fight or fight and so I ran inside than out the front door to get the bag of dog poo in the bin but I couldn’t get the bins to the curb at the time.

I came back inside and came straight to my room and pulled the curtains. I took off all of my clothes except my underpants and grabbed my weighted blanket.

I’ve had toast and tea and have put my pjs on and electric blankets for cosiness. Boss is lying next to me. I have put on Your Place or Mine and am enjoying what little I’ve seen since picking this up to write this. The fear has been killing me but for now I just want to watch this movie.

6:13 pm