Perhaps all I am meant to do is tell stories

Go away somewhere completely scheduled all alone with my dog and my camera 📷

I am a nobody. That’s the point.

I say I know what I’m doing, but I have no real clue 🧐

How could I possibly know anything that could help anyone. I can’t even write a simple as story without stuffing up the grammar in multiple ways.

I’m so tired.

Of life.

Everywhere you look, the world is falling apart. How is it possible that things are getting worse??!

I know I’m probably intelligent enough to do everything I would like to in my life, for example, future degrees and my own business.

But I feel like shit. Every part of me hurts.

Why

I wish I understood myself better. I genuinely believe it would take proper regular minimum weekly sessions of therapy to truly get to the core of all of me and put me back together healed.

I’ve gone from constantly having The Wizard of Oz on my mind to hearing Humpty Dumpty a lot.

I just learned something new ⬇️😊

Time to go to sleep. Pray that I am up at a decent time. I need to take my morning meds far earlier than I have been. No later than 8 am, really, due to the Ritalin. I’m not feeling great. Today it hit me that I’ve been thinking about everything I’m thinking separately, but now I realise I’ve been experiencing strange symptoms for a while. I am always sleeping or want to be asleep when I’m not. Shaking, easily startled, faint, I’ve fallen a few times. I can’t remember the last day I didn’t drop something. Even harder to focus when on meds. Lightheadedness. Headaches. And these non-stop severe cramps, on top of a loss of appetite.

I didn’t take Ritalin today, so it’s 8:42 pm, but I am going to sleep after publishing this. It’s been an emotionally draining day, once again bought on by me, myself and I.

I am walking, talking, writing, typing, sharing proof that you can never truly know what is going on inside someone’s mind. Half of my problem in real life is people don’t take me seriously because I seem so “fine”. That is until I explode. Which is never fun.

I would genuinely like psychiatric help, but it is either seen as I am unstable or that I won’t benefit from it. I have a phone appointment with psychiatrist on Friday, and yet I barely feel comfortable discussing it with him. I guess these are all things I need to discuss with him. Anyway I am so slow and really do have to focus tomorrow on uni so time for sleep now 😴

8:50 pm