Though the past couple of days, I have had the following thought floating around in my head, which is quite helpful for a change 😆

And that is..

The only real stress in my life is what I do to myself.

Take going to university for example. I don’t have to be there. No one is making me study. I want to learn and grow and understand. That is a want, not a need. By simply removing myself from uni, my life would become far easier and less stressful.

Yet, I know that’s not an option; well, I mean, it is technically; it’s just not something I’m going to do.

Same with my new job. I am absolutely over the moon, happy and grateful to be a part of something so unique and wonderful. Obviously, there can be stressful moments while working, but I am quite capable of handling most things.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I legitimately have over a dozen different chronic mental and physical conditions that resulted in me being told I was so unwell I could not keep working and had to be put on disability support. This was over 10 years ago.

As I get older, my pain and exhaustion levels increase. This means that I have to take more breaks, so everything I do takes me so much longer than it used to.

So moving forward, I will do everything I can to truly focus on all the good in my life and remember to remind myself that I am kicking goals! Regardless of how long it takes! 🥳

To end on one final note of positivity regarding university..

Starting tomorrow, since it’s Sunday today, I am going to pack up my vape, prescription weed, break in case of emergency back up, along with any alcohol in my house and put the lot in a box and tape it up. This will stay like this for a minimum of one month. Though I just looked at calendar and since May starts in exactly one week, I think I’ll aim for the end of May. To begin with.

I know I have to do this. I spent the entire 365 days in 2018 completely sober. Like Dry July, I just challenged myself to a sober year. Which I succeeded in. So, I know I can and have gotten through some really tough spots in my life and dealt with the feelings completely sober before.

Obviously, I will continue to take all my other prescribed medication, including CBD and THC oil. But having my vape for just “evenings only” is me trying to kid myself 🤦‍♀️😆

To become great at what I believe I can do, I have to focus and learn, and I know vaping in the evenings is going to keep fucking me up. Especially since I distinctly remember saying to myself in a video in 2017 that the reason the weed affects my schooling isn’t just because I tend to daydream when I vape at night but it also affects my sleep and is a large part of why I struggle to get up at a decent time.

This afternoon I have plenty of bricks to move from front yard to the back. Then vacuuming to do.

I tried the bud from yesterday and it’s really good, so will be having a joint or two with a vodka some point today 😁

Tomorrow is a public holiday, and I have nothing on, so it’s a great final last day to get stoned and have a drink!

Then starting tomorrow, grown up Liv needs to kick in. I know I’ve got this and I plan on reminding myself as often as possible 😊

Even though it might be the smallest, worst attempt at growing ever, at least what little bud I got is really nice.

In fact, since deciding that everything has to go, at least in the meantime, I think I’m going to roll a couple of joints now for throughout the day. That way, I can pack everything up tonight instead of leaving it until tomorrow.

It’s not that I don’t think I can stop because I absolutely can. It’s just now that I’m legally prescribed it; my ego has even more excuses as to why it doesn’t matter if I vape every single day 🙄😆

It seems likely I will finish the vodka 🤣

I was going to listen to my textbook while moving the brick, but since I’m going to have a joint, I put The Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack on instead 🥰

There are many more hours in the day when totally sober, so I know I’ll get everything I need to done.

I believe that everything happens in Divine timing anyway, just like I believe my Soul chose all this, before I was born, so it’s definitely confusing among everything else that happens on a bad day 🙄