I needed to sleep after the past few days. crying really takes it out of me.

I felt good when I woke up this morning and did what I needed to for work, then decided to go nap.

So I have no idea why I now feel so shit, keep crying and have to distract from how bad the self harm and suicidal thoughts are in my head.

I’m glad I have my remote, even though I haven’t actually turned on the tv yet. But I miss my bong. Never thought I’d say that, but between my bong and my knife, I really wish I had the bong to help distract from the other.

Days like today make me feel like a fraud. Like I don’t belong here. So I hide in my room with the curtains mostly closed, crying and wishing that at least Boss loves me enough but he doesn’t. He leaves when I cry.