That thought, or more correctly, that feeling is sometimes really hard to sit with. Especially on days like today.

Days when I’m so exhausted I’m almost crying. Days when just getting up to do anything takes so much effort.

I was completely spent by the time I walked out of the eye store. By the time I got home, I lay down on the couch to nap. I did that until the gardener got here. And then again while he was here.

I am in the same position right now. It’s 5:36pm

Boss jumped on me and sneezed in my face 🤧 😆

Days like today, when I literally can’t do anything, force me to relive all the days I’ve “had off” doing nothing, when I was perfectly capable.

Which in turn leads to my ego telling me in every which way possible that I am dreaming if I truly believe I have any chance of completing more than one degree since I’m already “suck a fuck up” because I haven’t done what I said I would and “studied since the beginning of the year, every every day or close to it”, so, of course I’m a failure.

I know I’m not but that doesn’t really make a fat load of difference in the sense, I haven’t done half of what I wanted to and I honestly don’t know why. I think that is very clearly affecting me more than I’ve realised because now if I really connect to that thought, it makes me want to cry 😢

I’ve vaped. It’s helping. I dare say I’ll be asleep early tonight 😴