TIME 5:11 PM | Possible Trigger Warning |

I currently do not totally remember what I talked about, but I do remember mentioning that seven years ago today, I was checking into a private mental hospital here in Melbourne. All while being in contact with Mr. X. On his bucks night, I later found out.

I was told by someone while in hospital that he had gotten married. He of course completely denied this on the phone as well as straight to my face, looking directly into my eyes, saying he swore on everyone’s lives that he was absolutely unequivocally not married. That it was untrue and if he was married, why was he with me? Why was he always with me? It was 10 days after his wedding and he lied to me about it. I was sent the picture confirmation the following day. I thought my world had ended.

On top of everything he had lied about right from the start, I just couldn’t understand how he couldn’t have told me while I was in the hospital. Literally on suicide watch. But then again, so many things happened that shouldn’t have while I was in hospital on suicide watch.

I can see, even myself, as I type this, that it is very easy to see that, one could easily say he came back for the drugs. Obviously I can see this too. But it was actually something we talked about often at the time also.

I understand why he picked the path he did. Of course I do. In this world, in this society, anyone would pick the safer option. He was happy enough with what he had. He knew he and his wife are as different as birds and grass. Completely different in every respect is what I learnt later on. When I had forgiven him for everything. Like I’ve said, it’s a long complicated story.

I do see how I may look and sound to some people, but, as I’ve said, I’m not hurting anyone and this is a huge factor that motivated me. In the sense, now I just want to understand me. It all started with him. But I am now very much the focus.

I have been typing and thinking and musing the entire time this has been loading, and it has just completed uploading. Besides what I have said9 above, which is waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than I had anticipated, I will make a description for the rest tomorrow when I actually watch it.