The other part of me is like, but it happened, it’s real, what I wrote shows how angry I was, but it also shows how I am.. and it wasn’t good 😕 I know that

I love my family so very much. And no, I don’t think any of them are disgusting. That is me reflecting back what I can see, in so many ways.

I have a darkness that is not kind. Is not nice. Is angry and sad and clearly doesn’t know how to keep control.

I want to train to help people. I want to help me. To do that I need to figure out the darkness, so, I guess in some ways this letter to myself really, for that’s all these are, is that, I still have so far to go, to even get myself in order.

But today has been a great day, which you will see whenever my video finishes uploading. Boy, do I need to call my internet provider tomorrow, and on days like today, and other good days alike, I can see just how deeply dark I can still go, and to those I love the most, I know we absolutely cannot be in each other’s lives, the way things are, but I also know that rage, pain, and just the nothingness of it all, cannot beat me. I choose to rise above it.

I want all my days to be like today. And I want no part in putting out bad, low, negative vibrational energy into the Universe, yet, at the same time, I feel those few angry posts need to stay, because this is real life, amd you can’t erase what you’ve done. But you can choose to learn and grow from it.

To my family.. I am sorry. I love you. I do not think you are disgusting and had no right to call you that, so I apologise. I am really sorry. Ease do not give Taylor a hard time. But Taylor if you read this, please just remember, I asked you to tell the truth. I specifically told you, if they ask, which they will, if they find out I had stayed, I told you to tell them what I said. We’re not children, regardless of how young I usually feel in my head.

None of this had to happen. But it did. I am sorry for my part in it all, I just hope you can all see there are four of us involved, and we each have a story. Thank you for watching and reading mine. I honestly didn’t think you ever would.

Now its time to try and move Boss as he is sprawled out across my bed.