But I can’t help what is now so apparent. Yes I react deeply and quickly, but I react like that with all emotions. And most of the time I am happy and carefree and at peace with where I am in the world. And aside from the now very confusing, frustrating, painful, repetition of learning the same lesson over and over again with my family, I am in a good place.

Do I wish I could look past certain stuff and just get on with my life? Sometimes, sure. But those times are pretty rare. I love my family. I really really do. But it is possible to love someone that you do not like. I love plenty of people who I don’t like, but that’s another blog for another day.

Of course I want my SIL in my life. We are so similar we would actually be really good fucking friends I believe. Though her ability to lie is what caused me to end our friendship all those years ago has obviously been on the forefront of my mind. I honestly don’t understand how more people don’t think “but if you (insert whoever here) can lie so well to xyz how do I know when you’re lying to me”?

I feel bad for once again not handling the situation well at all. I definitely don’t want to hurt her but she honestly just doesn’t understand how not standing up for what she actually thinks and instead saying what she does, which just reinforces my sister and BIL incorrect version of me, isn’t going to hurt me. Of course it fucking does.

“Keeping the peace” while doing absolutely nothing to change any of the bad in this world is what’s wrong with this world. How my SIL is being treated is absolutely disgusting. And don’t you dare go to her with questions you spineless… no clam down liv

I think I’m going to start looking for a place to rent in the bush. Far away from the society we live in that makes me this mad. I will finish my degree. I always finish what I start in that degree. Haha degree see I’m a genius 😆😆😆

But each day that goes past does have me questioning everything. I want to learn. I love knowledge. But people bug me. I can’t help people. Not when I currently am losing hope for this planet and our species every day.

Here’s an interesting fact for example.. all of my daily videos that are say more depressing than others get far more views. Checking the stats of my website each day proves that.

Back to now.. I never intentionally want to hurt anyone but I’m just over any and all energetic frequencies that pull me down.

To my SIL you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for and you deserve far better than what you explained to me is happening in your life. But you need to start being honest. Of course you are still so afraid of everything going wrong. You still lie. When there are just no reasons to. You knew I had your back yet did the one thing you know I can’t look past. Then you lied to me. To my face on video chat. We 1000% disgusted what is going on. We had conversation. You did not smile and nod while I ranted or talked you of any kind. But to tell me to my face that’s what happened so the lie you have told makes you feel better is not ok.

Because what actually happened is that we had many many discussions about many a thing, all of which have absolutely nothing to do with our siblings, but instead of just telling them what I said which I told you over and over again I could not careless if you tell them what I have said. See how I’m writing this blog for the internet? Yeah none of this would be getting aired like this if you either had of just told them to mind their own damn business or tell them the truth, but instead once again you lied. And in doing so madecme look fucking terrible again.

Breathe Olivia. Man I forget this. I am who I am for a reason. I know longer truly care about any of earthly things down here so much as long as I have roof over my head, water, food and my dog, oh and I’m going to add weed, I’ll be ok. In fact I would probably be a lot happier.

I am who I am. That includes all my diagnosis and sometimes like the past couple of days, shit happens that just triggers me to the core. .

But on the plus side I am going to enjoy Killing Eve for the rest of the evening, without worrying about falling asleep early enough to go out tomorrow since my plans have recently changed and I can now vacuum tomorrow and continue watching this until MAFS at 7. I definitely need to put phone away now though as my body is in a complete state of exhaustion 😩