If I had one wish it would be for every single person what it feels like to live with the amount of mental and physical illnesses I have and then tell me how fucking easy it is to just take my medication and get on my life.

When I’m in a loving high vibrational frequency I love life. Unfortunately I don’t always feel like that.

And I am clearly still not at a point in my life where what I believe is true and real actually connects with me .. so I still feel all the negative emotions so fucking intensively.. and I don’t know.. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore except walk away completely..

My website has and always will be about my journey and story. Think it goes without saying that I am more than used to being alone. I like my own company so thats a plus..

I am honestly just over everyone.

I literally said to my doctor today on the phone.. “I honestly don’t know if they are doing this anymore to completely push me over the edge to kill myself. It’s not a secret how badly I coe with the constant none stop thoughts and yet people keep pushing me. I honestly believe me being dead will solve all their problems”..

My doctor is amazing.. but i told her id get in the shower after our phone call but i didn’t. I poured a vodka instead. And vaped a lot of weed. I definitely need a shower. I’m gross. Hahaha gross yet posted 2 videos to the public internet 🤣

I have been so afraid of failing what i believe is my lifes purpose here on this planet i despise so much.. but i finally get it!!!!

Ive been saying it all along!!!

There is nothing to be afraid of except fear itself!

And quite frankly I’d rather be true to me and “fail” what my ego beats me up about constantly then libe another second of my life being afraid. I no longer care.

I have no family. Friends come and go. The one I love more than anything chose another path. I am completely alone.

And all at once its like…

I add the stress to my life

I have over 15 different health conditions. All bad.

I am on the disability pension for a very legitimate reason.

I owe no one absolutely anything.

So s my doctor said.. I will live soley for me from now one. No one has the right to hurt me to the point where I truly believe the only real answer is to kill myself.

And with so much death by suicide in our family how the rest of them don’t have more compassion and understanding is utterly beyond me. But thankfully I don’t need anyone anymore.