It wouldn’t really surprise me but god I hate them. As soon as I felt the tingle on my lip just before I immediately put coldsore cream on it and will continue to do so. Hopefully it’s not one or I caught it in time. Not that it matters though since I have no where to go and no one to see.

I will be more than likely spending Christmas day and night alone. I’ve sent out details to all my friends for drinks on my birthday on the 30th but I never really know who’s actually coming until a couple of days before or even on the day. Thankfully it’s still 22 days if worst case I do end up with a coldsore.

My level of distrust in people continues to climb unfortunately and its fucking with my head because I am also aware of how extremely intuitive I’m becoming. Like everything inside of me is changing. It’s just unfortunately exploding out of me in bursts of anger. But I figured out why. I am only becoming angry at people who I know I cannot allow back into my life, but in 3D they “appear so nice and right for me” so to speak. So it’s like I’m having a very real internal, yet visible on the outside in reality, war because I know trusting myself is so important and yet I’m being gaslit from every end and the worst part is, I’m not even sure they knew they are doing it, but I’m too close to the situations so keep reacting in anger to these people. And I’m pretty sure they are confused at some level too. Yet on saying that,   I don’t understand how anyone thinks they are a good friend if they are not the reading the messages I’m sending her explaining everything going on and she’s replying to me like she has read them when in fact she has not. Which she finally admitted on the phone this afternoon.

The human species makes absolutely no sense to me anymore. Me included. I can see everything in the bigger picture sense, have finally got to an understanding within myself where determinism and free will makes sense along with manifestation and the law of attraction. Everything in my life is actually pretty good, besides all the health issues but I’ve been living with so many for so long now that I guess I’m used to it. Snd yet as my awareness increases and intensifies, the more I see, yet the more quick to anger I become. Yet again I’m now realising its not with everyone. It’s with people who have come back into my life.

The title I gave this probably doesn’t really suit it anymore but my vape just kicked in so I’m done with writing for a bit. Putting phone on DND.

Sending light and love to everyone. Even if th world is falling apart, I’m choosing to focus on love, because well I have to. Love’s vibration can do so much for our planet ♡