This month makes me feel so alone. So fucking ALONE!

I can’t stop crying.

I know I need to really write whats going on for me but I don’t think that’s going to be today..

I miss my Mum. I want to talk to her. Wish her Merry Christmas on the day. Get wished happy birthday but she’s not talking to me once again and I can’t cope with how I’m treated when she is in my life.

I can’t stop thinking about Mr X. I miss him so much. Every single fucking day. His 40th birthday is the 16th of this month and I want to wish him so badly on his birthday but I know I shouldn’t.

I want Boss to give me cuddles but he always leaves me too when I cry like this.

My life is good, yet, I feel so sad and so alone sometimes that no amount of knowing everything happens for my Higher Selves benefit helps on days like today where I just wish I had someone to hold me and tell me it’s going to be ok.

But I’m never going to have that person because I love Mr X too much to ever do wrong by someone else. I’ve tried. Too many times. This is me. I know have to live this life alone, and 11 out of the 12 months of the year, I’m ok about it, but I hate December. I hate it so much.

But right now I just really really want to stop crying so at least maybe Boss will give me a cuddle 😭