I already feel flat as fuck. And Boss going completely nuts every single time someone goes past the windows is driving me mad 😣

I didn’t fall asleep until after 2 in the morning so only woke up at 12pm whrn Rachel called me. That’s my uni friend who I met on Reddit in the beginning of the year. We were in some of the same units until I pulled out of my psychology units before census date. She oon the other hand has officially finished which is awesome and I’m so proud of her. Trimester results are officially being released tomorrow. Obviously I have not completed my assignments so mine won’t be.

For some reason I almost feel worse today than yesterday. Yesterday I was under the pump to get the bonus answer in and I honestly have no odea if I wasted my time doing it. There is no grade yet available to see even though I was emailed after I submitted it to say it had been received and would be marked shortly. I feel weird now in a way almost, because I genuinely really like my unit chair and we had been getting along so well. Because of this I was told that someone else would grade my work. Guess I never thought about what would happen if I needed extra time, since there is an entire faculty of philosophy lecturers and unit chairs and I have no problem waiting until next trimester for my grades. I’m not enrolled again until July next year due to the four psychology units I have left. But, now, I’m guessing because philosophy is one of the disciplines at my university that does not run over the summer, that this is why my due dates have been changed on me even after my medical paperwork was accepted.

I spoke to uni disability support person again today. I cried basically the entire time. I am nearly 36. I feel like I am becoming more sensitive and more dumb and like I’ve been kidding myself this whole time. I had finally realised how important both disciplines are to me and had had every intention of applying for the philosophy honours degree once I finish my remaining units next year. I even wanted to aply for psychology honours after that! Now I just shake my head and laugh at myself.

I will get everything that needs to be done, done. And by when it needs to be. But I just feel so unbelievably flat and am literally on the verge of tears constantly. Have been since reading the email I received from the uniy chair on Monday.

And the strangest part of it all is.. there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that any of this should be happening. None. The only real reason I can come up with as to why I sent the original email that started off this chain of events is simply because I am obviously supposed to be learning something. Or more correctly, lots of things..

And that just starts the whole… we must live in a deterministic universe, because otherwise none of this makes a single bit of sense