I have to leave soon to see a pain specialist and then my doctor. Yet I look like a mess from all the crying.

I just feel sad and dumb and like I just want to give up. I won’t but I really want to. I feel like a freak in this world. I am so fucking “different” to everyone else and I’m just so over being the mentally unwell person who has held onto my beliefs to keep me going.. But its becoming harder.

5 years at uni and my grades still aren’t good enough. I had to drop a unit yesterday. Which means another year to finish.

When am I going to ever feel like I’m enough??? I’m 35 already so I’m losing hope that I will ever truly feel like a part of this world.

I no longer believe that I will. And now its time to drive to the other side of the city, so I relly need to stop crying