Move on? Plenty more fish it the sea. He never loved you. He used you. Lied to you. He hurt you more than any other person in my whole life, except maybe my mother…

Yeah sure ok.. ome week from today will be 5 years since I’ve seen him.. i still cry… i feel pathetic…

I guess I just need to feel these feelings like all the rest. I know I’ll be ok. I have to be. Or I’ll kill myself. It’s fairly simple. Though I do believe that sucide just means automatically have to come back to earth and live another lifetime and i definitely don’t want to ever come back here.. thats basically what keeps me alive when i just feel like whT is the point.. i will never be married, have children and quite properly never date.. right now I don’t even like rand sex or fuck buddies, which in all honesty I never would have believed could happen but did.. thank goodness for my ‘sex box’ under my bed 😆

I think given this week though and those damn family photos popping up in my minds eye constantly since first seeing them on Tuesday, I am willing myself to be open to finding a friends with benefits situation maybe. I don’t know. Right now I honestly feel like I’ve more than enough sex with way too many that I really don’t need nor even really want to add to it.

It’s not because I’m waiting for Mr X because that would be crazy. By all accounts he appears to be happily married with two beautiful children. What he always wanted. I know I say the idea of having children terrifies me but he was the one person I know I would have had children with, so I am happy he got the family he always wanted.

Once again, simply writing out my feelings has helped.

I’m not even sure if this post makes complete sense but I feel better so that’s the main thing. Now I’m going to make some food .