It might appear like I see Mr X with rosey coloured glasses throughout some of my posts..

Just thought I would add that I do not.

In fact, as a person, as the man he is today, I do not know him. At all.

I love him, this is true. It’s an unconditional love like I never knew could even exist. But it does.

My story with him is what lead me to where I am now. Exactly one week from now I will celebrate 5 years clean from smoking ice. I will graduate with a double degree in psychology and philosophy at the beginning of next year, after trimester three. All of it started with the thought.. I need to learn how to rise above my ego if I ever want to have the true love that I felt from him in my life..

This all started with him, I love him, yet do not know him, and truthfully have this feeling like they might even have had or are about to have another kid..

But yeah.. I may only mention all the stuff I love and miss about Mr X, like the sex for example, but I am here lying alone on my couch watching this sexy af Netflix series while he is wherever he is, with his family, I assume.

Though I will just add further clarification here.. he was not married when I met him, lied about being single right up until I confronted him with photo evidence of his very recent (10 days before I found out) wedding. So there’s a whole lot of darkness, more darkness than light in that story really, which is probably why I’ve started writing it so many times and just never get through it..

I cannot truly explain to anyone exactly how I feel about Mr X because I have never been able to find the words. But I love him in a way where I just want him to be happy, so I always send love his and his families way.

I’m having these hazy memories surfacing of writing bits and pieces of this story throughout various posts. I really do just need to sit down and write it all out, post it and then completely let it go.